Amazing Meditation Experience From a Simple Exercise

I just had one of those out of this world, room-spinning type of experiences. Will do my best to try to express it on paper. It was better than going into the light (at least for me).

Every time I go to the Agape bookstore a book by the check out counter called, “When Your Voice is Authentic You Don’t Have to Yell,” catches my attention. I just really like the title. So like a year later, I just finally bought it.

I started it today and just did the first exercise. And its what led to the incredible experience.

So the exercise has you lay down and get comfortable. Focus your attention on your heart and then do “Conscious Breathing” for 3 cycles (inhale for 9 counts, hold for 9 counts, exhale for 9 counts). Then go to breathing normal while you ask yourself “Who Am I?” Take note of what comes into your head (visuals, thoughts, sound). Then ask and “And where does this ‘I’ come from?” And keep alternating like that over and over again. As long as you want. Just observe and take note. Don’t judge any thoughts.

So I go through the steps. And was like dang, I’ve gotten REALLY good at stilling my mind because when I asked “Who am I?” NOTHING. No thoughts! So I asked again a couple times. And got “I am the Soul” “Light” “I Am that I am” “Pure Consciousness.” So I thought dang, I’ve been trained well, c’mon he wanted labels (“Stop it J. you were told not to judge your results!”) and then I got “girl” “daughter.” (no judging J. that’s fine).

So decided to move on to second question. Where does this ‘I’ come from? “God.” That was it. No other answer. Okay.

Alternate back to first question. This time “I Am God.” Felt kinda bold and blasphemous, but is right in line with “I Am That I am” and saying God is in you. So I tried to tell myself there was nothing wrong or bold about it. Particularly since it kept repeating in my head over and over again and I was being flooded with energy. So this is what started coming:

“I AM GOD. That’s not arrogant. You are. God is the Creator and the Source of this Universe. Everything comes from God by definition. That’s why we have the word “God,” to explain the Source of everything. So if God made you and is the only Source (and He has to because he is what made everything. We‘re talking principal source here), then he had to make you out of himself, since there was no other source. Everything has to come from him. Therefore, you are literally God. You are made from God. Forget saying that there is a little spark inside you that is God. EVERY part of you is God. Its all made from his substance. Your little toe is God. That’s the only source and material. That is ALL you are. Every part of you is God. That’s who you are. YOU ARE GOD.

And where does this ‘I’ come from? This I, who is God, comes from God. It’s part of God. Therefore God is also you. You are God and God is you. You are part of him.


Who am I? I am God. God is a part of me. No, that’s not true. God is EVERY part of me. God is all I am. There is nothing else but that. That is my only essence.

I Am God and God is me.

God loves me . And I love God ,who is me and who I Am. Therefore I honestly love ME with all my heart. (And so much love radiated from my heart and filled me that I felt like I was PURE LOVE. So I “And I am love. I AM nothing but love. That‘s all there is. That‘s all I am” started playing in my head because that's what I was feeling. I literally felt like I was love).

I Am God and God is me. The same logic that applies to me, applies to every other person who was also made from the same Source and the same Creator. Therefore God is everyone else too.

So I am God. And God is everyone else. So I Am Everyone. I AM EVERYONE. If I Am God and God is everyone then I am also everyone. (and in my head it was playing like God being inside of me and inside of God was every other person in the world so they were all inside of me. BUT I was actually feeling like every person. Challenging to describe).

I Am my mother. I Am my father. I am all my ancestors. I Am Bush. I Am every homeless child in Haiti. (I went down a random list and FELT being everyone. Every person that's "annoyed" me. And I’ve never felt more pure compassion and understanding in all my life. I burst into sobs that I couldn’t stop as I felt being every person that flashed in my head). I get it. I get it. That's why since childhood I've actually felt pain when I saw anyone else suffer. I understand. They are me. It's me. It's not theoretical, it IS.

And it followed. I love God, who I am, so I love me. And everyone is God, everyone is me, so I genuinely love everyone. (and again the same incredible amount of pure love radiated from my heart and filled every part of me. And the room started spinning, and spinning and I felt like I was floating and there were little bright lights twinkling everywhere). And I finally jumped up to try to write all this down. I guess the human fear of not being able to hold on to that place, crept in and I wanted to make sure it didnt disappear.

Hmm… I’m not quite sure I was able to capture a fraction of that in words, but I tried. All, that for the simple answer that now rests next to the blank "Who Am I?" in my book: "I AM EVERYONE."

And interestingly enough, here is the quote that opened the book, "If you are coming to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you are coming because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Australian, Aboriginal Woman.

A Personal, Powerful Meditation and Exercise From Tonight With Focus on Deserving

I like to share my own personal meditations sometimes when I feel like they are super powerful. Tonight is one of those nights.

As many of you know, I kind of taught myself to meditate on my own when I was younger and tend to still prefer to let myself be guided by God rather than follow certain formal meditations. The result is I'm often led to very powerful exercises.

Lately my focus has been on not blocking my good, on being receptive and feeling worthy. On being able to accept my gifts, blessings, and manifestations when they are given to me, rather than blocking them through feelings of not deserving. On Sunday at Agape, Dr. Michael Beckwith prayed that we would all have the courage and strength to accept our desires and dreams when they are given to us. That pretty much sums up my focus lately. On feeling like I deserve all these wonderful things and eliminating any self-sabotage. So I've been doing work around feeling worthy and deserving, and releasing all guilt.

With that said, I'll just cut and paste from my journal entry tonight (kinda still floating in the air and feeling slightly lazy/ungrounded right now). (*Note this blog focuses on the process once you are already in a relaxed/meditative state. If you need help getting to that state check out http://myspiritualstudies.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html.)

JOURNAL ENTRY-

Meditation Conclusion:

"You deserve and are worthy of every gift and blessing you have because God chose to give them to you. If you didn’t deserve them, He wouldn’t have given them to you. But since he chose to give those blessings to you, He clearly thinks u deserve them. So embrace them & never feel guilty due to the blessings you receive."


Process:

The emphasis tonight was on deserving and being worthy.

So I kept saying “I’m a worthy child of my Father, Source, and Creator- God, and I deserve _____. I now gratefully and graciously completely accept and receive ______.” For everything (happiness, prosperity, success, etc). And the conclusion quoted above came into my consciousness as I was repeating this mantra. If God is giving it to me, then I really do deserve it. He thinks so, so why wouldn’t I think so too?? Who am I to argue with God?

It was an amazing meditation. I was completely filled with beautiful energy the whole time. But the culmination was what was really on another level.

I randomly started saying, “I am worthy of love. I am worthy of love. I deserve love. I deserve love.” Over and over again.

Then I started saying, “I deserve my mother’s love and so she loves me. I now accept ALL her love.” And suddenly felt any blocks to my mom's love that I’d placed with negative thoughts/emotions/my own insecurities, LIFT and allow all this love to flood in. Then I did the same thing for my father and all my family members. One by one. Letting go of all the "If I dont do this then she wont love me" hidden beliefs that had caused me to block love at one point or another due to my own projections or insecurities.

Then I did it for every ex-boyfriend and every guy I’ve ever dated or talked to. Even the ones I never took seriously. Even the ones who’s love I don’t feel like I really want because I don't want them in my life or want anything to do with them.

I said, “I deserve ______'s love and so he loved me. I now accept all his love.”

And went one by one. Even the guys I disqualified myself for whatever reason after a date or two. Because for some reason I had chosen to not allow them to love me. I went through the guys I never took seriously or allowed myself to get emotionally involved with because of their lifestyle or because they were "famous" (despite their many assurances).... Of course it hit me that I thought they couldn’t genuinely love me like that because they had so many other things…. But who was I to decide that? I deserve their love as much as I deserve the next person’s love. I’m worthy of GOD’S love, so why in the world wouldn’t I be worthy of theirs?? I had been worthy, but I blocked it with my own thoughts...... And so I allowed ALL the love I had blocked through my past insecurities and past feelings of not enoughness, to flood all through me. I went through EVERY guy I’ve ever had a physical relationship with and then every guy I've ever had a date with, one by one. And with EACH guy, I was flooded with waves and waves of love. By the end I felt like I was about to burst because the energy didnt fit anymore! It felt like I was floating in the air above my bed. It was absolutely amazing. Amazing. Amazing... Who would of thought I had blocked so much love throughout my life?"

I hope some of you all try it out and find it as powerful as I did.