Friday, December 11, 2009

How To Forgive Others and Take Back Your Power

I've blogged about forgiving before, but it's been about a year and it's such an important topic... I recently wrote a more thorough article listing more free resources and so I'd like to share those resources with my blog readers:

Forgiving is crucial to happiness. Until you forgive someone, they retain control over your emotions, your life, and even your physical health. That's too much power to give anyone, particularly someone you don't like to begin with. Medical studies show the detrimental effects that anger and stress can have on your physical health, so any anger you are harboring affects YOU much more than it affects the person you are angry or resentful towards. This article will show you how to forgive in order to set yourself free from the past, and from the control of others. Following the steps below will help you forgive, even in the most difficult situations.

Steps for Forgiving:

1) Make a list of anyone you feel you need to forgive, or anyone you are holding anger or resentment towards- whether or not you feel ready to forgive them.

2) If there are people you believe are not worthy of your forgiveness or who did "unforgivable" things, realize that forgiving doesn't mean you now have to be best friends with that person or that you have to hang out with them. It just means you are letting go of the anger and making a choice to no longer be emotionally tied to that person and to take back the power they are currently holding over you. Remember you are doing yourself a favor rather than doing the other person a favor. When you are indifferent towards someone, they will no longer have power over you. When you intellectually understand forgiveness, it makes it easier to forgive on an emotional level. That's what this step is about.

3) Decide which person you would like to work on forgiving first. You should work on one person at a time. Set an intention to forgive the first person. For example, "I am willing to forgive _________ and I WILL forgive __________ and set myself free." You are now more than halfway there.

4) The internet has many free resources for those wishing to forgive. Visit The Work website and download the free "Judge Your Neighbor" Worksheet along with the "Instructions for Doing the Work" Worksheet. Follow the directions and genuinely do the exercises. The Work is very popular in the healing/counseling community for its effectiveness. Once on the site just scroll down to the "Downloads" section on the side. Link to the site:

5) Radical Forgiveness is another popular program that has free resources on its site for those working on forgiveness. This site has recently started requiring users to register in order to access their worksheets, but the registration only takes a minute and is fully worth the free resources you will then be able to access. Once you are logged in, click on "New Radical Forgiveness Worksheet" and then click on the "Open" link next to the worksheet. Honestly complete this worksheet, which is known to bring dramatic results. Link to the site:

6) Practice Meditation Twin Hearts (also known as the Planetary Meditation for Peace) regularly. This meditation helps you subconsciously forgive everyone you need to forgive, so it's a great tool for those that don't feel like they're quite ready to forgive. This is an easy tool because all you need to do is press play and relax. The meditation is under 30 minutes and brings the added benefits that meditation brings such as filling you with peace, increasing your emotional stability, and improving your physical health. You should aim to do it 3 times a week while working on forgiveness. Link to the free meditation:

7) Wear a Rose Quartz pendant, or a green crystal pendant if you are a man and wearing pink isn't your thing. The energy emitted by a Rose Quartz promotes compassion and forgiveness. Wearing a Rose Quartz over your heart can accelerate the speed of forgiveness and fill you with peaceful energy. Green crystals emit green energy, which disintegrates negative emotions, like anger. Here is the link to my crystal website and to the Rose Quartz in particular. Definitely feel free to contact me if you have any questions:

8) Visualization. Visualize the person you are forgiving directly in front of you. Look them in the eye and say, "We all make mistakes and we're all growing. You did the best you could with where you were at personally in your life. I now forgive you and set myself free." Visualize a cord going from their solar plexus (soft spot between your ribs) to yours. Karate chop it 3 times with conviction while saying "Cut, cut, cut!" Then say, "You are now released and no longer have any power over me or my happiness." This is a variation of a Pranic Healing technique.

9) Before the speech in step 8, if you feel there is stuff you really need to get off your chest, then say it to them while you are visualizing them before you. Then proceed, to the rest of the instructions in step 8.

10) Once you have forgiven the person, check them off, and move on to the next person on your list and start again. The more you forgive, the easier it becomes.

You will know you have fully forgiven someone when you are genuinely indifferent toward them. You may find forgiveness before reaching the 10th step. Every experience and every person is different. This is meant to be a comprehensive list. Explore these techniques and find which one works best for you. And at all times remember to be patient with yourself. Forgiving can be a challenging process. Just focus on progress and you will eventually reach your goal and take back your power.


  1. These affirmations are so true. I am happy you are sharing them with the world. You are truly gifted.

  2. Hi

    Have recently come across your blog and have just loved it. I too feel that healing is my calling and am into reiki, and new to pranic healing. Really conencted with your blog and loved your writings

    Keep the Good work :)

  3. Thank you for sending the link to this blog post at just the right moment in my life. I have been so resistant to 'forgiving' my mother because I feel that what she did to me as a child is not forgivable, however I am now learning that the forgiveness is not 'letting her of the hook', it is about letting go of the hurt and anger that I carry around because of her.

    I am just beginning my journey to find inner peace and this will help me immeasurably. I hope you will also follow my journey on my new blog. I have found writing to be so beneficial to my well-being.

    Thank you!