Monday, November 22, 2010

Sex and Energy/Spirituality. And the Not-So Elusive Female Orgasm and the Not-Too Soon Male Orgasm

This topic has been coming up a lot lately and it's very important, so I want to address it. Sex is a central part of energy/spirituality and energy/spirituality is a central part of great sex. I’m a little short on time right now, so I’m going to take from things I’ve written lately and give helpful links. I’ll blog more about sexual blocks at a later day, but today I wanted to focus more on how to improve your sex life, and in turn, your spirituality. Sexual energy is crucial in the development of spirituality, and spirituality/energy work takes sex to whole other levels. This blog can be relevant even for those who are abstinent because you still have sexual energy that you can transmute and can derive benefits from. And you can learn to do everything below while being abstinent.

Today, I was in a discussion about the “elusive female orgasm.” But the female orgasm is really not elusive. The average statistics state that only about 30% of women orgasm from just intercourse alone. Some scientists believe that women can’t have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation period, and say the women who do have orgasms during intercourse are able to do so because anatomically these women have a short distance between their clitoris and vaginal opening, which causes clitoral stimulation during intercourse.

However, most women who practice Taoism or Tantra in their sex lives will likely tell you that’s not true. You are actually able to orgasm without even being physically touched. People commonly do so while practicing Tantric Fire Breathing. Anyone can learn how to do this, and experiencing it can bring a powerful perspective shift when it comes to the female orgasm, as it becomes clear that it’s not all that elusive.

You can check out Barbara Carrellas, the author of “Urban Tantra” doing so on the tv show Strange Sex, while scientist scan her brain to make sure the orgasm is legit: And speaking more about it on CNN: Barbara offers workshops, and you can check out her books and work at:

I think it’s worthwhile for every woman to learn how to not only do this, but to become multi-orgasmic and have full body orgasms. Otherwise, you’re missing out on the amazing possibilities that your body is holding. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with clitoral orgasms, but they’re short and not half as intense as a full body orgasm. When it comes to sexuality, I recommend to clients (and myself apply) Master Chia’s Universal Tao practices. Practicing his exercises leads to being multi-orgasmic and having “beyond orgasms.”

Plus these exercises make you a better lover. I was introduced to his work when I was in the process of becoming a Reiki Master. In order to become a Reiki Master you have to be able to hold a Kegel for a long time (about 4-5 minutes). And Master Chia’s exercises help you get there fast without you even noticing. Also through this practice, on top of being really good at sex, you can actually heal your partner through sex- like the song. Anyone can be a sexual healer.

Here’s his basic book for women (and the website has free lessons):

The male version of the book teaches men how to “go all night.” It teaches the basic practice of having orgasms without ejaculating, which allows men to keep going during sex. This is a great skill to have being that I just read that the average male ejaculates within 2-6 minutes of starting intercourse. Master Chia also teaches men how to have full body orgasms and how be multi-orgasmic.

Here is that book:

Definitely go slow and heed all the cautions in these books. Kundalini Syndrome isn’t fun. It might help to take a Kundalini yoga class at the same time or take a workshop. Oh and I'm not receiving anything from posting these links. Except for the good karma when your sex life improves, which I'll happily accept.

I also just noticed he has books called “Multi-Orgasmic Man” and “Multi-Orgasmic Woman,” I haven’t read those so I can’t recommend them, but I thought I would mention them for anyone who wants to check them out, since the titles make them sound on point.

The rest of my input on this topic is going to be cut and pasted from a note I recently wrote saying that I really wish they would teach this stuff as a sister course to sex education in high schools (where parents could opt their kids in if they want). In the note I detailed the benefits of learning Sexual Alchemy (what Master Chia teaches).


If there is one aspect of spirituality that can make a huge difference in your normal day to day physical life, this would probably be it. And it’s sad that people miss out on it.

I find there’s a big disconnect between women and their bodies/what their bodies can do. On top of the percentage of women who can orgasm from just intercourse being ridiculous, most women don’t even know when they’re the most fertile, that they can move their sacrum w/o moving their hips, how to squeeze their different diaphragms (or that they have multiple diaphragms.), and I have friends who’ve never had an orgasm (period- not just with a guy). There seems to be a disconnect between men and their bodies too. I’ve had a few men look at me like I’m crazy when I’ve informed them they can orgasm w/o ejaculating and therefore have sex much longer. I always thought there were enough pop culture references to this for it to be common knowledge....

While yes, you can argue that being able to derive huge pleasure from sex/your body and have multiple orgasms/”beyond orgasms” will pique kids sexual interest even more, they’re ALREADY going to have interest in sex regardless. And that’s the part that would make the class attractive and make them pay attention. Because who doesn’t want to know how to be really great at sexually pleasing their partner?? But then there’s the other side.

It would be awesome for kids to learn how to transmute sexual energy. That would be SUPER helpful. It’s not good to tell someone to be abstinent but not tell them what to do with their sexual energy that’s going to be there for them to deal with regardless. That causes unhealthy energy blocks. And then guilt if they act upon it (so many women have told me they thought the world was about to end the day they lost their virginity- they thought God was going to punish them). Knowing how to transmute your sexual energy makes being abstinent much easier and increases your creativity. And for those that aren’t abstinent- you can have tons of sex and still transmute the energy to increase your physical health, creativity, spirituality, vitality, youth, so it’s a good skill to have.

Transforming excess energy also helps people not need things like drugs to expend their energy on and decreases emotional turmoil. And, on top of learning to transmute sexual energy, this discipline also teaches people how to form heart connections before having sex and their importance, which could be a pretty big shift in regards to how people treat sex partners and the amount of respect given to each other and what they are doing….. I mean sex has been devalued to a crazy level in our society.

Universal Taoism teaches that mutual respect and love are prerequisites for good sex. And that, “To establish and maintain a good sexual relationship, the energies of both partners must be on the same level. They both must be healthy physically and emotionally, and they must be on the same spiritual level. Then when the two people are together, their energies- physical, emotional, and, finally, spiritual- will unite as one.” (Master Chia). Otherwise, turmoil tends to come about. I think this is a great foundation to give.

Above all, the best aspect to me would be helping people grow up with a healthier view of sex. I rarely come across anyone who doesn’t have emotional issues with sex/related to sex, usually due to unhealthy views (men have JUST as many if not more. And do you know how backwards it is for them to try to NOT be present during sex and think about something else?? That’s always tripped me out). It would be great for people to have a foundation that doesn’t bring dysfunction. And for women to be comfortable with their bodies and know the magic their bodies can bring. You should know your body- you live in it. It’s a great gift, and so is sex. Not only did God invent sex, but he made it the ONLY possible way that the human race could survive. Clearly He saw value in this act. Beause He could have chosen ANY other act to REQUIRE for us to survive (like rubbing noses or dropping an egg in a nest or something).

And also to shift the culture around sex overall… You don’t have to degrade women to have a good orgasm. You can have a “beyond orgasm” that’s 100 times better without any of that stuff. And maybe all this can transfer to healthier marriages and relationships because people develop much stronger sexual (and spiritual) connections and understand the nature of their sexual pleasure better. Your sexual intimacy increases so it’s easier to openly communicate about things. It may also decrease infidelity because sex is on another level with the partner you share a love connection with.

I always recommend checking out Taoist sexual practices to clients in my 10-week program. I really don’t think anyone should be deprived of it, so I wanted to share.

Also, wanted to add that sex can be very important to spirituality because its one of the most basic ways people experience Oneness. Aside from that, being able to transmute sexual energy to your crown can significantly increase your spirituality.

One last thing: You have two creative centers in your body, 1) your throat chakra and 2) sex chakra. One creates words and art, and the other life. And the 2 chakras are connected- a problem in one, affects the other and vice versa. So a healthy sex chakra is important for creativity. And on that note, you were made in the image and likeness of God, and if there's one thing we FOR SURE know God likes to do, it’s create. Make sure you are expressing your creative gifts. As not many things will frustrate u as much as not being able to express them & not many things will bring as much overall happiness as being in flow while creating.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

How to Work With Your Ego & Insights from a Self-Healing on Procrastination, Sabotage, & Competition

I journaled some insights/major shift the other night that might be useful to others. It’s always good to see how others break patterns and what causes the patterns. Since I do healings all the time and meditate every day, I tend to have a lot of self-insight that helps with self-healing and so I don’t mind sharing my experiences. Particularly since I’ve learned a lot from watching others heal.

Last week I was working on huge project. Suddenly my computer started malfunctioning and not letting me work. To the point I felt like throwing it out the window. And I was about to use it as an excuse to get out of meeting a deadline.

But out of nowhere, it hit me that I had a really long pattern of procrastinating on assignments/projects until last minute and then finding an excuse to ask for an extension or to get out of it. I can remember doing this all the way back to middle school. Nicole and I always joke about “ don't treat this like a paper extension!” Its a joke about how we always get extensions and are like, “Whew! We have two more weeks! Awesome!” and then go play and do everything else and then the night before it’s due again we’re like “Uhoh!!! How did this happen??” And we (used to) do that with everything. Like if we have to be somewhere and are running late but then it gets moved back 2 hours, somehow we’ll mess around and still be running late 2 hours later. (btw, I was very rarely ACTUALLY late, just always waited until last minute).

I decided I needed to go ahead and release this pattern.

I went into meditation and asked what was going on here, and immediately realized that it was my ego doing it. Here’s what I got back: 1) Feelings of unworthiness- which cause self-sabotage, and procrastination is self-sabotage. 2) Fear of own greatness. 3) Fear of not being good enough or smart enough. And it was a crazy set up from my ego, because my ego would procrastinate for those reasons, and to make myself get mad at me, dislike myself, and feel out of control. Looking for self-punishment (that’s what guilt does), perpetuating it further and creating a repeating pattern….

So after knowing what was up, it was time to release all of the above, but I needed to get my ego to cooperate because I could feel it was holding on tight.

Here are some blurbs/insights from my journal written right after releasing.


With all this talk over the last few days about Christ teaching to “Love them until THEY submit,” I was thinking about one the most applicable situations… Your ego. NEVER wage war on your ego, as tempting as it might be. Don’t get mad at it and lose your temper or try to scare it with threats. That’s what it was trying to get you to do. It wants you to get mad at it so then it can play the victim and go into self-pity. “Ah, I cant believe I did that. I’m a terrible person with no self-control. Ah, I’m so mad at myself. Why don’t I have more strength? What’s wrong with me? etc.” Plus with more self-h*te and anger towards yourself, you’ll be weaker. Instead, love it into submission. Send tons of unconditional love to it. Let it know it’s safe. Have a conversation with it. Make a compromise. Tell it the change will just be a trial and if we don’t like it, we can go back to your way. Get it to calm down, to mellow out, and relax for a second, so that you can let go of the negative cords, negative patterns, beliefs, or emotions you want to release and make the changes you want.

Remember to look at your ego as the scared 4 y/o child inside of you. Treat it with understanding and compassion. Comfort it and you’ll get much further. If you make it feel safe and loved, it will be much more cooperative and your inner wars will diminish. If you don't, it will kick and scream and hang on with all its might. And Dr. George Washington Carver’s advice that if you love something enough, it will reveal its secrets to you is very applicable. When you send love to your ego, it will open up to you and reveal its secrets.

So I went with that. Instead of yelling at my ego, I sent it tons and tons of unconditional love and said, “Don’t you feel all this unconditional love from God, from the Divine Mother, from me? Don’t you realize that no matter what you’ve done you’re still loved unconditionally? In your opinion you really f’ed up tonight by doing other things instead of working on this, and yet you’re getting more direct unconditional love now than last week before you got yourself in this mess. See?? Calm down.”

And I asked it to please just relax and move aside so we could let go of the old negative patterns that were being held. The ego complied. We had a long talk about its different issues and a lot was released.


"Shift your intent/life goal/perspective from trying to be the best at whatever, to loving. Instead of trying to be the best at everything and seeing the world as an endless competition, your focus will be on just to love." My inner voice started saying that and it really helped when it came to releasing the fear of own greatness and the fear of not being the best or not being good enough. The ego was scared to release these things because it thought life might get boring if it wasn’t always trying to compete for something. What would it do? Because it didn’t know anything else. “If you’re not always trying to be the best or have the most, how will I be entertained?” it asked. Loving. That will give you the best life. Cultivate a heart of love as big as the world, as you say at Agape. Love as much as possible, share as much love, build with as many people, build intimacy, be of service, spread joy, find different ways to love. Just love. Love. Create. Life will never be boring. It will be full joy, happiness, expression, and adventure. The ego was also scared to let go of the need/desire to always be the best because it thought if we didn’t care, we would then be bad at things, and it couldn’t deal with that thought (it’s the ego after all). I told it to stop it. That when we let go of that need to be the best, we’ll still be amazing. Because everything will be based in love and that’s always filled with greatness. In fact, all miracles come from love, as do the greatest works. And God, the Divine Mother, Archangel Gabriel, the Holy Angels will be there to work through us, and will work through us more easily because we aren’t in the way. Everything will always be clothed in the greatness of love and God. You can’t go wrong. And the ego calmed down and let go. Of course, this was while asking for the constant help of the Divine Mother’s grace and mercy, compassion and love.

A little more from journal on the fears that came up during the meditation-before the conclusion:

-Fear of not being good enough, not being smart enough. So would rather not do the project/assignment. Or do it with an excuse just in case it’s not good enough. The belief that just me is not good enough was released. Ego said, “People assume we’re smart. I don’t want to prove them wrong. Maybe we’ve just gotten lucky every other time??” I carefully explained, "Ego, you’ve done this a million times before and you’ve done fine every time. Why are you still scared? Do you think you’re going to be less good at it than last time? It works the other way around. You get better with practice. Let go of the need to compete. Let go of the need to be the best. It’s not supposed to be a competition. That’s not what life is about. If it was, then all the people in the rat race wouldn’t be so unhappy after winning the race and constantly needing to find a new race. You know this from experience. Released beliefs of inadequacy and not being enough. With the grace of the Divine Mother.

-Fear of own greatness. I’d always felt a lot of resistance to this concept. Felt impossible to me. But because of the resistance, I knew it had to be present. Particularly since the feelings of unworthiness had been present and this fear comes with a “Who am I to be so great?” There was a serious thickness and feeling of heaviness as it was releasing and I talked to my ego, telling it that it was okay for us to be great and to release whatever this fear was tied to. That lead to releasing a fear of it being lonely at the top. Of people being jealous. Fear that if I’m more successful or get better at things, it will be a bigger challenge to find a romantic love partner (WOW! All those guys who try to play mind tricks saying things like, “wow it must be really hard for someone as awesome as you to find a guy on your level to date. That must suck, ” had crept into my subconscious w/o me noticing! Who would’ve thought?) And in my head I heard the voices of people who tell you to dumb down a little to make men feel more secure. I told my Ego that we believe in soul mates, remember? So that stuff is irrelevant. And reminded it, “If you believe in soul mates and you’re still waiting for yours, he won’t arrive until you’re willing to be more authentic than you now are in this present moment." You can’t attract your perfect match if you aren’t even being who you truly are. So releasing fears that keep us caged in or restrained will be much more helpful than trying to be small. And because you actually really love people, they love you back. You will never be lonely- top or bottom. “Who am I to be so great?” left easily due to my strong feeling of Oneness with God. You can't refute God's greatness.”

Those were the blurbs. Oh, and my computer started working right afterward and the project went 150% perfect. It exceeded the person’s expectations (though I stayed up for over 48 hours to finish).

Also, wanted to note, because it comes up with clients, when you work through something big, chances are you will re-visit multiple times. Usually going into deeper layers every time. So if you worked out something 2 years ago and then suddenly it pops back up, don’t get upset thinking, “But I thought I let that go already!” You did. But there’s a lot tied to it. You probably let go of a huge portion of it (and certainly noticed the improvements in your life), but now you’re getting rid of more. Rev. Michael often analogizes it to having a super dirty car and washing it. Then you look at the car and notice there’s still a spot there. That spot has been there the whole time, but because the entire car was dirty, it blended in. Now that the car is clean, you notice the spot and some fixate on it like, “WTH?!” Just note it’s normal. Especially with big, normal themes. Don’t trip. The above is a great example of this. Most of the above wasn’t new and it’s healing 101. But while a lot of that stuff had been released, I needed a shift in worldview in order to evolve even more and the stuff that was still there helped me go back in and shift.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Looking for Something to do on Diwali?

Happy Diwali!

If you are looking for a way to celebrate or want to learn more about this beautiful Indian festival, Master Stephen Co posted a great live stream today explaining the spiritual aspects of Diwali. The video also includes a cleansing of energy and he leads you through chanting and a meditation specifically for Diwali. Oh and he energizes your prosperity chakra. So, I thought I'd share!