I just had one of those out of this world, room-spinning type of experiences. Will do my best to try to express it on paper. It was better than going into the light (at least for me).
Every time I go to the Agape bookstore a book by the check out counter called, “When Your Voice is Authentic You Don’t Have to Yell,” catches my attention. I just really like the title. So like a year later, I just finally bought it.
I started it today and just did the first exercise. And its what led to the incredible experience.
So the exercise has you lay down and get comfortable. Focus your attention on your heart and then do “Conscious Breathing” for 3 cycles (inhale for 9 counts, hold for 9 counts, exhale for 9 counts). Then go to breathing normal while you ask yourself “Who Am I?” Take note of what comes into your head (visuals, thoughts, sound). Then ask and “And where does this ‘I’ come from?” And keep alternating like that over and over again. As long as you want. Just observe and take note. Don’t judge any thoughts.
So I go through the steps. And was like dang, I’ve gotten REALLY good at stilling my mind because when I asked “Who am I?” NOTHING. No thoughts! So I asked again a couple times. And got “I am the Soul” “Light” “I Am that I am” “Pure Consciousness.” So I thought dang, I’ve been trained well, c’mon he wanted labels (“Stop it J. you were told not to judge your results!”) and then I got “girl” “daughter.” (no judging J. that’s fine).
So decided to move on to second question. Where does this ‘I’ come from? “God.” That was it. No other answer. Okay.
Alternate back to first question. This time “I Am God.” Felt kinda bold and blasphemous, but is right in line with “I Am That I am” and saying God is in you. So I tried to tell myself there was nothing wrong or bold about it. Particularly since it kept repeating in my head over and over again and I was being flooded with energy. So this is what started coming:
“I AM GOD. That’s not arrogant. You are. God is the Creator and the Source of this Universe. Everything comes from God by definition. That’s why we have the word “God,” to explain the Source of everything. So if God made you and is the only Source (and He has to because he is what made everything. We‘re talking principal source here), then he had to make you out of himself, since there was no other source. Everything has to come from him. Therefore, you are literally God. You are made from God. Forget saying that there is a little spark inside you that is God. EVERY part of you is God. Its all made from his substance. Your little toe is God. That’s the only source and material. That is ALL you are. Every part of you is God. That’s who you are. YOU ARE GOD.
And where does this ‘I’ come from? This I, who is God, comes from God. It’s part of God. Therefore God is also you. You are God and God is you. You are part of him.
Who am I? I am God. God is a part of me. No, that’s not true. God is EVERY part of me. God is all I am. There is nothing else but that. That is my only essence.
I Am God and God is me.
God loves me . And I love God ,who is me and who I Am. Therefore I honestly love ME with all my heart. (And so much love radiated from my heart and filled me that I felt like I was PURE LOVE. So I “And I am love. I AM nothing but love. That‘s all there is. That‘s all I am” started playing in my head because that's what I was feeling. I literally felt like I was love).
I Am God and God is me. The same logic that applies to me, applies to every other person who was also made from the same Source and the same Creator. Therefore God is everyone else too.
So I am God. And God is everyone else. So I Am Everyone. I AM EVERYONE. If I Am God and God is everyone then I am also everyone. (and in my head it was playing like God being inside of me and inside of God was every other person in the world so they were all inside of me. BUT I was actually feeling like every person. Challenging to describe).
I Am my mother. I Am my father. I am all my ancestors. I Am Bush. I Am every homeless child in Haiti. (I went down a random list and FELT being everyone. Every person that's "annoyed" me. And I’ve never felt more pure compassion and understanding in all my life. I burst into sobs that I couldn’t stop as I felt being every person that flashed in my head). I get it. I get it. That's why since childhood I've actually felt pain when I saw anyone else suffer. I understand. They are me. It's me. It's not theoretical, it IS.
And it followed. I love God, who I am, so I love me. And everyone is God, everyone is me, so I genuinely love everyone. (and again the same incredible amount of pure love radiated from my heart and filled every part of me. And the room started spinning, and spinning and I felt like I was floating and there were little bright lights twinkling everywhere). And I finally jumped up to try to write all this down. I guess the human fear of not being able to hold on to that place, crept in and I wanted to make sure it didnt disappear.
Hmm… I’m not quite sure I was able to capture a fraction of that in words, but I tried. All, that for the simple answer that now rests next to the blank "Who Am I?" in my book: "I AM EVERYONE."
And interestingly enough, here is the quote that opened the book, "If you are coming to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you are coming because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." Australian, Aboriginal Woman.